God,
I am doing fine now.
I laugh a lot, and I smile more this time.
My heart is happy, or atleast it knows where to find happiness now.
Though sometimes God, I admit, there are still things that causes my heart to sting a little bit, I'm glad it doesn't make me cry anymore.
Thank you for the healing.

God,
Do you remember the person I used to pray for every night to you?
We don't talk anymore.
That fact is like a pinch to my heart but it's a pinch that wakes me up everyday reminding me that I am surrounded by people who'd love to hear me laugh.
There are really days that it's his laugh I want to hear, it's his smile I want to see and voice I want to listen and remembering those days makes me breath difficult sometimes but it makes me stronger than I was.
Thank you for the strength.

God,
I am doing better,
I pray you keep him well too.
Thank you for sending him to me as my bestfriend, my happiness, my pain, and my lesson.
Please keep his faith strong,
keep his body healthy,
keep him motivated and his heart happy.
Guide him so he can reach his dreams,
but most of all,
surround him with love I can't show anymore through people he chose to stay with.
Please keep his smile as beautiful as his soul.
We've caused each other so much pain but he still deserves so much love, like I do, God.

God,
We don't talk anymore, and it's okay,
but please, keep him talk to you atleast.
Please love him the way you love me.
please love him for me.

@Notefrsoul

Teruntuk kamu,

Semekar apapun aku tumbuh hari ini, kamu takkan pernah tahu jalan-jalan yang aku tempuh sepanjang hidupku.

Kamu tak akan tahu yang aku punya kekalahan, aku pernah jatuh terduduk, aku pernah menempuhi titik terendah dalam hidupku.

Seperti kamu juga.

Cuma jalannya saja yang berbeza. Tapi rasanya sama.

Kita adalah dua raga yang bersatu di satu titik, tapi sebelum sampai kepada titik itu, kita adalah raga yang sendiri sahaja menghadapi luka-luka yang wujud dalam hidup kita.

Dan selelah apapun, kita tetap mampu menempuhinya, dan meninggalkannya di belakang kita.

Hingga akhirnya kita bertemu.

Justeru keterlanjuranku saat meminta kamu menjadi yang lebih baik, adalah kelupaanku bahawa kamu juga punya luka-luka lampau yang aku tak mengertinya.

Dan harapanmu untuk aku menjadi yang paling memahami, adalah kelupaanmu bahawa aku juga punya kekalahan dan kekecewaan lampau yang amat dalam.

Jelasnya, takkan siapa tahu dan mengerti, luka yang pernah kita tempuhi secara sendiri, sebelum kita bertemu.

Tak ada pertandingan luka terdalam antara kita. Masing-masing punya hati, dan masing-masing pernah dilukai.

Dan kita bergantung antara satu sama lain untuk merawatnya, dengan keterlanjuran, dengan kesilapan menghukum, dan dengan kesediaan untuk memohon maaf dan memaafkan.

Kerana bukankah cinta juga ialah perihal merawat luka-luka?

@notefrsoul

You matter.

Here’s to the person who feels too much. Cries too much. And asks too much. Your innate sensitivity is special, don’t let them shun your emotional spirit.

Here’s to the person who was mistaken as someone who makes simple things worse. They didn’t know that all you needed was a bit more clarification to avoid bad blood or overwhelming chaos.

Here’s to the person who still holds on to the remnants of the past. I know it’s hard. But I’m telling you, you’re going to wake up one day, with a lighter heart—grateful for yet another start.

Here’s to the person who jokes around to hide their sad eyes. May the weight of your chained tears subside. Remember that no single tear is wasted because the downpour of your sorrow only teaches you how to let go.

Here’s to all who got misunderstood. Your feelings are valid. And no one has the right to judge what you went through.

Here’s to the person who is full of regrets for the things they didn’t do or their words left unsaid. You can’t bring back the past, but you can positively look at the future and handle the present with the most conscious heart.

Here’s to all who are facing a consistent dilemma. Hang in there. Life sometimes is full of drama. Life sometimes has to teach you some valuable lessons for you to progress and be the champion of any war that was waged toward you.

It’s easier said than done. It’s easier to listen, hop a few meters within your comfort zone, and then press the restart button because you think it’s easier to stop or pause for a little while than to go on. And if you think this is the right decision, then do it.

It’s completely okay to stop amidst all the hassles. It’s okay to fall a little behind. It’s okay to get lost in between the lines. It’s okay to keep your bedsheets tangled and drench your pillows. It’s okay to feel weak sometimes. It’s okay to recalibrate or redirect your life. It’s okay to take a rest in such battles but always aim for your strongest come back. After seeking refuge, come back with a much-loaded version of yourself. So that every question can be easily answered, every direction can and smoothly be guided, and every doubt, fear, and wrong intuition can be diverted into something more meaningful in your life.

Stop disregarding yourself just because what they say or do seems more valuable or highly favored. Stop treating yourself as a substandard, a second-choice-to-be, or the person who would rather take on the back seat most of the time. Stop questioning your worth just because some people are lacking a sense of your existence.

It’s a huge world out there. We may not even get the chance or have the luxury to see each unique and beautiful structure or the natural wonders in our lifetime but we—throughout our lives can learn and understand the various facets of life. Why we are here. What’s our true purpose. Why suffer now and be happy later. Why be the happiest person and yet something is still missing. Or why gain the richness of things and still nothing is ever enough. And many more.

As you grow, you will realize that life should not only revolve around the material things, or anything grand or fancy things, like expensive dinners, roses, cars, or parties because you have the power to choose happiness right from where you are right now. At this very moment, even if you haven’t experienced some of these or haven’t achieved your biggest dreams yet.

As you grow, eventually, many people will leave too, and probably half of those who stayed can’t be trusted. But you will never be given anything that you can’t handle. Thinking otherwise is not the right equation to process your thoughts.

Take the high road. Carry on believing what truly matters. Your voice matters. Your choices matter. Your truth matters. You definitely matter.

@notefrsoul

Dear self,

It's been a while since you smile glowingly. I know you're struggling right now, and I am so sorry for all the mean things I've said and for pushing you even if it hurts. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry for doubting you, for not saying no when you needed to, and for making you feel that you need to change for other people to fit their standard or to feel that you belong.

I'm sorry for everything that caused you pain and made you cry at night or when no one is looking.

I'm sorry.

@notefrsoul

It's going to take courage. It's going to take everything you've got to finally let go of what you've been holding onto for so long. The hardest part of the journey is the first step - finally making that decision - and when you do everything begins to snap into place. ⁠
⁠
Think about how much space has been taken up by what you've been holding onto. See how those memories or events have snuck their way into all different areas of your life. Look for not only the effects, but the ripple effects as well.⁠
⁠
Letting go isn't about denying something's existence. It happened. It really did. But it's about beginning to rewrite the story. ⁠
⁠
It's about seeing something that happened from the eyes of wisdom and compassion instead of fear, doubt and worry. When you see through the lens of negativity, it locks you even further into the past. The prison bars become stronger. ⁠
⁠
But when you shift the narrative by applying things like understanding, forgiveness, wisdom and truth...things start to shake loose. The very thing itself begins to loosen its grip on you and without much effort at all, you progressively let go. ⁠
⁠
It's no small feat to head into what scares you, to old events and situations in life that you'd rather ignore, and to dig into doing the work. But as challenging as it may be, what's on the other side is freedom, space, and new room to create. ⁠
⁠
Never forget that you are constantly creating and unfolding. If you don't like the book you are reading, you're the only one who has the power to change it. The pages are yours to do with. ⁠
⁠
Let go of the old to allow for the new. Come back to what is happening in this moment. Open yourself to possibilities instead of shutting down in fear. See that your life is canvas on which you can create anything you'd like. ⁠
⁠
And don't forget to breathe :)

@notefrsoul

1/

barangkali, kaupernah mengira. bahwa dengan cara merindukan pulang, kau harus melakukan perjalanan panjang; memasuki belantara yang menyeramkan, lalu tersesat di pertengahan.

kau mengira dunia begitu kejam. mengapa harus dengan perjalanan panjang, kau hanya bisa merindukan pulang. seperti rahim ibu yang pernah memberimu kehidupan; ia sempit, tak terjangkau oleh kedua mata yang tajam.

2/

barangkali, kaupernah merasa. bahwa ada satu hari, di mana dirimu benar-benar hangat; tak tersentuh oleh tangan-tangan jahat. kau mencoba memejamkan mata. namun dengan keparatnya, kenangan masa lalu datang dengan membawa senyum bahagia.

kau mengira patah hati itu menyakitkan. kau dibawa terbang ke awang-awang, lalu dijatuhkan ke tanah dengan sangat kencang. seperti angin yang diam-diam mencuri wangimu; mengantarkan ke hadapanku.

3/

barangkali, kaupernah menyesal. dengan apa yang telah terjadi, kau menangis di malam hari; meminta semuanya diulang kembali. namun kautelat, semua yang kausesali, telah lama beristirahat.

seperti aku yang menjelma malam, untuk menenangkan hari-harimu yang muram; kau datang membawa segala cerita—ada genggaman tangan yang pernah berhasil kauraih, namun kini raib—dengan tabah aku memberimu bahu, untuk kau bersandar; kapan pun semaumu

bertahanlah, jangan mati dulu. masih ada cita-cita dan cinta, yang meski kaukejar satu-satu.

hiduplah. tumbuhlah. lalu mekarlah.

@notefrsoul

Dear October ,

i'm fully ready for it all. please suprise us with more blessings , laugh , money , happiness peace ,positive things , take care of ourselves and our mental health. Old habits are being broken in your name and you will unlock unexpected blessings and miracles.

@notefrsoul

When I was a child, I couldn't stop thinking about becoming an adult. Why, I don't know. I try to tell myself that it could be because of the hope shimmering inside, telling me that I could do anything I want once I grow up. I could eat as many ice creams I wanted, I could talk to anyone I liked, I could spend every single night watching TV, I could spend money like it wasn't mine.. ugh, this list could go on forever. The point is, I was always wanting to be one with the wind, indispensable but ever on the move. And for some reason, I believed that it would be possible if I became an adult. Friends or no friends, my world was always 'lit'. I have lost count of the nights I spent without a blink of sleep, because I was too excited waiting for my own birthday. I just.. I just liked being me. And when I became an adult, I wanted to tell the world that.

I am a different person today, neck deep into adulthood. I now have everything that my younger self wanted. If I may, the seven year old me would even be proud. So instead of happiness, why do I have this weight over my shoulder that I can't quite shake off? Where is that child who smiled so easily?

Looking back, I realise that it's just freedom that the child in me has been craving for so long. The freedom that makes me look bigger in my own eyes. Maybe, if someone had told me that being an adult is not about making all the decisions, but being accountable for them, I would not have wanted it at all.

@notefrsoul

you bukan tak laku, jodoh you tengah pending .

@notefrsoul

Perasaan perempuan bukan isu remeh.

Betapa episod 13 & 14 Hometown Chachacha menyentuh hati kita semua. berjurai air mata melihat babak-babak yang adakalanya kita sendiri boleh kaitkan dengan kita.

Writer-nim menyentuh isu-isu yang adakalanya dipandang kecil dan remeh oleh sesetengah orang (pada lelaki terutamanya walaupun tidak semua) tapi sebenarnya adalah memberi kesan besar dan berat pada emosi perempuan.

Inilah dia isu-isu remeh:

1. Adalah tidak mudah mengandung dan membesarkan anak. Kenapa adakalanya permintaan perempuan dianggap remeh dan tidak penting ya?

Pembayang permintaan seorang perempuan diremehkan ada pada babak Yun-Gyeong yang sedang mengandung meminta kepada suaminya, Geum-Cheol untuk pergi dating berdua sebelum bersalin ditolak. Ah, nampak muka kecewa pada Yun-Gyeong tetapi diabaikan sahaja. Babak Yun Gyeong meledak marah kerana permintaannya untuk mengikat tali kasut diremehkan adalah kemuncak.

Siapa yang tidak menangis bersama Yun-Gyeong?

2. Perempuan hanyalah mahu 'affirmation' dan 'acknowledgement'.
Babak Hye Jin menolong Yun-Gyeong mengikat tali kasut dan memberikan sedikit pujian tanda dia mengiktiraf kerja menjaga anak bukanlah kerja mudah. Sudah tentu, bagi seorang perempuan yang sudah berkahwin, mengandung, punyai anak lain juga, bekerja teruk akan mencemburui hidup orang bujang seperti Hye Jin.

Once you are a mother, there is no turning back. But only hard works are ahead, but it's so worth it.

Nasiblah Hye Jin memberi kata-kata yang memuji dan affirmation kepada Yun-Gyeong.

Bukanlah Yun-Gyeong tidak tahu menjaga anak adalah susah, tetapi seperti kita semua, mendengar affirmation dan kata-kata yang baik daripada orang lain mengiktiraf kerja menjaga anak juga adalah satu perkara yang susah adalah sangat menyejukkan hati. Yun-Gyeong sangat perlukan kata-kata baik dan affirmation seperti yang diberikan Hye Jin itu.

Apa kau sangka hanya perlu memberi duit sahaja dikira sedekah? Kata-kata baik yang menyejukkan hati itu juga sedekah.

3. Perempuan sentiasa mahu apa yang dia buat diberi perhatian, diiktiraf perasaannya. Inilah apa yang dialami oleh Hwa-Jeong dan bekas suaminya, Yeong Guk.

Bayangkan perasaan sayang Hwa-Jeong kepada Yeong Guk hanya disedari oleh bekas suaminya itu hanya selepas 15 tahun. Kalau tak engkau asyik nampak cinta hati pertama engkau ja. Haduhai. Ini namanya tak bersyukur.

To be grateful you need to pay attention things in front of you constantly. Constant attention will turn an ordinary thing into an extraordinary one.

Bertabah betul Hwa Jeong. Walaupun pada akhirnya, apa yang Hwa Jeong mahukan daripada Yeong Guk bukan sekadar permintaan maaf tetapi mengakui dan menerima perasaannya.

4. "Perempuan mahukan kepastian."

Kepastian dalam perhubungan. Kebanyakan perempuan akan seperti Hye Jin, tidak suka berada dalam keadaan samar, tidak jelas, ada rahsia, tidak pasti apa hala tuju dan juga tidak ada perancangan. Kepastian perhubungan ke arah perkahwinan.

Sebab itu semua akan membawa ke arah hati yang patah. Tidak ada hala tuju tanda perhubungan yang tidak serius, dan kebarangkalian tidak akan kekal lama lebih tinggi.

Dapat difahami keadaan Hye Jin yang mahukan ketelusan daripada Du Sik. Walaupun Du Sik hanyalah mampu berdiam diri dan meminta maaf.

Sudah tentu dalam kes mereka berdua difahami, Du Sik memerlukan masa. Kita tidak boleh memaksa orang lain untuk berbuat sesuatu mengikut kemahuan kita.

Pada akhirnya Hye Jin, memberi masa kepada Du Sik. Tetapi apa yang dimahukannya adalah satu assurance daripada Du Sik, walaupun lambat, dan tak tahu bila, tapi dia pasti akan.

Sebegitu juga dengan kita semua. Terkadang, dalam perhubungan apa yang kita mahukan bukan keputusan secara instant, tetapi assurance. Jikalau tidak mahu memberi keputusan ataupun berbuat sekarang, haruslah diyakinkan, akan tetap dapat/dibuat pada masa akan datang walaupun memerlukan masa.

Sudah tentu semuanya berbalik kepada isu komunikasi. Untuk mendapatkan sesuatu yang kita mahu, semua perkara harus punyai cara komunikasi yang tertentu, betul dan pada masa tertentu.

I think I will always wait for you.
I will stay right here
like a fool
even if I know you're never coming back,
even if I know that waiting
won't change the past.

I think I really did try.
I think I really gave my all to forget you
but I guess my heart is meant to remember what my mind tries to forget.

I did love new people, you see.
I did try believing again in love and second chances
but perhaps there are many kinds of love.
Sadly, I had the happiest kind of love with you and I think I could not be more in love in this lifetime.

The memory of being madly in love haunts me.
It made the rest of love there is
-not enough.
I didn't know that being the happiest once could make me sad forever.

I think I will always wait for you.
I will stay right here where my heart can celebrate the happiest kind of love even if what's left is just a memory.

I think this is my saddest choice,
but Ioving you forever
makes me
really,
really,
happy.

@notefrsoul

“What is the best feeling in the world?”
-Safety

Despite your bad moods, they stay.
Even when you’re having a bad day, they stay.
And when you can’t find the right words to say, they understand and stay.

Nothing’s better than knowing that someone will stay no matter how rough it gets.

@notefrsoul

I wonder why people change. I wonder why they tell me they love me now, then tomorrow, leave me like nothing happened between us.

Is it that easy — to turn your back from someone with whom you’ve shared a lot of memories with, someone you used to think about all day and night, someone you’ve cared for, more than anyone and anything else in the world?

Perhaps it’s me —

maybe I’m just disposable; easy to discard especially when things go sour.

@notefrsoul

Your smile ….. What a disaster!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

@notefrsoul

Banyak yang mengaguminya, tapi aku pemiliknya. Mereka hanya bisa menatap, sementara aku bisa menetap.


Ruang Sepi , 25 Oktober 2021

@RuangViolet

When you realise on your own worth, you are no longer care about anybody who doesn’t know or appreciate your worth. Because you know you deserve better.

Choose yourself. Love yourself.

@notefrsoul