Whatever you think, whatever you feel, let it sink inside of you, let it rot away, don't let them know, don't let them see, be restless, be careful, don't let your guard down, they're always watching.

- Was there really anything worth the effort?

Hmm?

Thoughts of the day.
Every time my brain decides to bring you up, my beautiful lost star, I perform my newest trick which is 'quickly finding a fast distraction to my brain' it actually worked, I never did that with you but I had to treat you this way recently or I'll lose my mind, it's surprisingly working and I get distracted but it has a catch, a side effect if I may call it this way, each time I do that I gain a very gloomy undesirable feeling that rots insides of me somewhere, I don't feel it yet but I know it's there, like cancer, you can't feel it at first but when it reaches a certain amount of mass it'll crash you to death, and may the lord spare me the upcoming damage.

Over and over, I keep going over the world we knew..
Once when you walked beside me..
That inconceivable, that unbelievable world we knew..
When we two were in love!
And every bright neon sign turned into stars~
And the sun and the moon seemed to be ours~
Each road that we took turned into gold.
But the dream was too much for you to hold..
Now over and over, I keep going over the world we knew!
Days when you used to love me..

أتسائل ماذا تفعل روحك في هذا الوقت المتأخر؟ هل تحتسي القهوة المرة؟ مع سجارة عتيقة وجدتها شبه مطوية تحت طيات سريرك بعد أن أنزلقت من بين أصابعك حين كُنتَ شارد الذهن مع كل تلك الأفكار المشوشة التي لطالما حاولتُ فهمهما عنك داخل ذلك العقل المعقد خاصتك.. هل يا تُرى تشاهد النجوم وتلتقط بعض الصور المشتته للسماء كما كنتَ تفعل في ليالينا الباردة؟ هل لمحت عينيك خفاشًا هارب..؟ هل تُذكرك هذه الأمور بما كنا عليه وما كنا سنكون لو لم تتفارق طُرقنا؟ أتسائل أذا كُنت تحلم الأن وترغب بأخباري عن تفاصيل ما رسمت مخيلتك في منامك..؟ أم أنني لم أعد ذو معنى في حياتك حقا. أتسائل ما أن كان هنالك شيء ذو معنى لك في ذكرياتنا؟ رغم أنني أعلم.. أنا الوحيد الذي سيتذكر أغلب التفاصيل و أنت ستكون من يخبرني أن أعيد لك روي ذكرانا مرةٌ أخرى ثم أخرى إلى أن أتى اليوم الذي توقفتَ عن طلب ذلك.. كان ذاك اليوم هو نهاية الشعور وبداية الشرود داخلي في كل تلك الذكريات التي لن يعلم عنها أحد غيري.

I suppose your words and your promises were nothing but a beautiful lie.

It doesn't matter if the person is a she or a he, it doesn't matter if they're a them, being a dickhead doesn't require a specific gender.

I'm losing the person I was
When I found you
Am I acting different
When I'm not around you?
I'm being dramatic I say
That I'm losing
I wanna show you all the
Things I've been doing
I'm going on dates and I'm
Hanging my head
I wanna share an
Apartment, a room and a
Bed, I wanna tell you I love
You but I cannot reach you
I'm learning to lose that's
A thing they don't teach you.

Why must we suffer? Why must we be drowning in pain? When we can just be holding each other in a warm embrace, listening to music with a cigarette in hand..

..

"It's like we're bound to be with whoever breaks us"

Today my owl boy’s birthday 🥳