You don't have to be so brave, baby.
For a moment - just a moment - open your heart to me and let me speak these words into your soul. You don't have to smile, you don't have to say thank you and pretend everything is okay. Because it's not. It's not okay.
People encourage us, they say pretty things - and they probably even mean them - we smile, we nod, we say thank you, and we retreat back into our breaking hearts but somehow feel further away than before.
You are allowed to be angry.
That fire- that rage that is burning a hole in your soul, that grief that you cannot find words for, that sorrow that weighs ten thousand tonnes and screeches in your ears when you try to sleep - it isn't your enemy. It has something important to show you.
When it hurts to breathe, when your hands are wrapped around fistfuls of your own hair and you're trying so. Fucking. Hard. Just to keep from falling to your knees - know that you are heard.
I hear you.
When anguish finds you and you are willing to do anything to silence it, to sedate it, to destroy it - I hear you then too.
I know that anguish.
The things that brought me to my knees are different than the things that weigh on you, but ten thousand tonnes of sorrow is ten thousand tonnes of sorrow. Rage burns white hot and doesn't care what it uses for fuel.
I'm not going to tell you to keep your head up. I'm not going to tell you to stay positive or that I admire you. None of that serves you.
I will tell you that it's okay to shatter.
It’s okay to be broken. It's okay to rage and be furious - because this isn't fair. Someday, you will find a way to keep your head up, but it doesn't have to be today.
I will tell you that if you need to fall down - fall down.
And I will tell you that I will sit with you in the fire. I live in the fire, and you aren't alone in it.
Ever.
@notefrsoul
For a moment - just a moment - open your heart to me and let me speak these words into your soul. You don't have to smile, you don't have to say thank you and pretend everything is okay. Because it's not. It's not okay.
People encourage us, they say pretty things - and they probably even mean them - we smile, we nod, we say thank you, and we retreat back into our breaking hearts but somehow feel further away than before.
You are allowed to be angry.
That fire- that rage that is burning a hole in your soul, that grief that you cannot find words for, that sorrow that weighs ten thousand tonnes and screeches in your ears when you try to sleep - it isn't your enemy. It has something important to show you.
When it hurts to breathe, when your hands are wrapped around fistfuls of your own hair and you're trying so. Fucking. Hard. Just to keep from falling to your knees - know that you are heard.
I hear you.
When anguish finds you and you are willing to do anything to silence it, to sedate it, to destroy it - I hear you then too.
I know that anguish.
The things that brought me to my knees are different than the things that weigh on you, but ten thousand tonnes of sorrow is ten thousand tonnes of sorrow. Rage burns white hot and doesn't care what it uses for fuel.
I'm not going to tell you to keep your head up. I'm not going to tell you to stay positive or that I admire you. None of that serves you.
I will tell you that it's okay to shatter.
It’s okay to be broken. It's okay to rage and be furious - because this isn't fair. Someday, you will find a way to keep your head up, but it doesn't have to be today.
I will tell you that if you need to fall down - fall down.
And I will tell you that I will sit with you in the fire. I live in the fire, and you aren't alone in it.
Ever.
@notefrsoul
Are you afraid to be open with people? Why?
Openness is a funny thing for me. I’m realizing that maybe I perceive openness and vulnerability a bit differently than most people, and lately, I’ve been trying to sort out the whys and the whats of that.
I’ll try and explain what I mean. Openness, transparency, etc doesn’t feel like a risk for me. Writing that feels strange, because it feels true, but it feels like it SHOULD feel like a risk. Or, more to the point, it raises the question, “if that isn’t a risk, then what is?”
Perhaps openness doesn’t feel like a risk because this foray into the realm of writing as a public spectacle hinges on baring my soul. Maybe it’s been transformed somehow, from something timid into something torrential.
Openness is power to me. It’s staking a claim. It’s planting a flag, building a fence around the scorched earth at our feet and declaring that “this land is mine”.
Or maybe it’s about fear. (I’m just ruminating now, and you’re being subjected to what would usually be my internal dialogue)
Maybe it is about fear. Or the absence of fear. Or maybe not the absence of it, but the acknowledgment that the power we assign to fear is mostly imaginary. When people talk about vulnerability, the word vulnerability implies risk. Weakness. Being susceptible to damage. The potential for loss or pain. When I think about openness, it’s not something I associate with risk. I think we are conditioned to feel like openness and vulnerability should be synonymous, or at least fundamentally related, and I’m not sure they are. Vulnerability evokes a certain degree of fear. Fear of being wounded or diminished somehow. Losing something, or being in pain.
And fear is a construct. To me, anyway. Fear is fucking imaginary. Pain is predictable and able to be mitigated. Maybe I’m so intimately familiar with fear and pain that I’m desensitized to those things - and I hesitate to say it like that because if I know anything about human nature, the words “pain” and “fear” will carry more weight in that sentence than “familiar” and “desensitized”. The focus becomes on the agony rather than the victory; people kind of get lost in their compassion for what I've lived through, which kind of dilutes the power in it.
I'm talking in circles. Welcome to my brain. Heh.
Fear, by and large, is the single most powerful, pervasive force in all of us.
I know that it *should* be love, and in a perfect world, that’s the way it would be, but in the great big game of Rock Paper Scissors, Fear kicks the shit out of Love all day every day.
It stalls us. It poisons relationships. It tells us to protect ourselves. To posture. To disengage. To get angry. Fear tells us we are less than. It tells us that we need to hide or lash out. It tells us that we will be laughed at or shunned. It tells us to control.
We fear hunger and poverty so we go to work. We fear social rejection, so we spend money on clothes and things we don't need, but that assure us some sense of social standing. We fear aging and being undesirable, so we preen and go to the gym and get plastic surgery and botox and get our nails done and and and and. The entire marketing industry is built around the construct of fear.
If you pause for a second and think, you can kind of see how we are dragged through life by these fictional ideas. I mean, imagine for a moment that you freed yourself from these things. Imagine that you rejected them. Worst case scenario: people don't like you. So what? I mean really. REALLY. Does it matter? No.
The minute you realize that it doesn't matter at all, or you decide that you are equipped and prepared to deal with the disapproval of others: There's nothing to fear. It can not hurt you. The fear has no power. It doesn’t even exist anymore because you just vaporized it.
It’s fucking imaginary.
Openness is a funny thing for me. I’m realizing that maybe I perceive openness and vulnerability a bit differently than most people, and lately, I’ve been trying to sort out the whys and the whats of that.
I’ll try and explain what I mean. Openness, transparency, etc doesn’t feel like a risk for me. Writing that feels strange, because it feels true, but it feels like it SHOULD feel like a risk. Or, more to the point, it raises the question, “if that isn’t a risk, then what is?”
Perhaps openness doesn’t feel like a risk because this foray into the realm of writing as a public spectacle hinges on baring my soul. Maybe it’s been transformed somehow, from something timid into something torrential.
Openness is power to me. It’s staking a claim. It’s planting a flag, building a fence around the scorched earth at our feet and declaring that “this land is mine”.
Or maybe it’s about fear. (I’m just ruminating now, and you’re being subjected to what would usually be my internal dialogue)
Maybe it is about fear. Or the absence of fear. Or maybe not the absence of it, but the acknowledgment that the power we assign to fear is mostly imaginary. When people talk about vulnerability, the word vulnerability implies risk. Weakness. Being susceptible to damage. The potential for loss or pain. When I think about openness, it’s not something I associate with risk. I think we are conditioned to feel like openness and vulnerability should be synonymous, or at least fundamentally related, and I’m not sure they are. Vulnerability evokes a certain degree of fear. Fear of being wounded or diminished somehow. Losing something, or being in pain.
And fear is a construct. To me, anyway. Fear is fucking imaginary. Pain is predictable and able to be mitigated. Maybe I’m so intimately familiar with fear and pain that I’m desensitized to those things - and I hesitate to say it like that because if I know anything about human nature, the words “pain” and “fear” will carry more weight in that sentence than “familiar” and “desensitized”. The focus becomes on the agony rather than the victory; people kind of get lost in their compassion for what I've lived through, which kind of dilutes the power in it.
I'm talking in circles. Welcome to my brain. Heh.
Fear, by and large, is the single most powerful, pervasive force in all of us.
I know that it *should* be love, and in a perfect world, that’s the way it would be, but in the great big game of Rock Paper Scissors, Fear kicks the shit out of Love all day every day.
It stalls us. It poisons relationships. It tells us to protect ourselves. To posture. To disengage. To get angry. Fear tells us we are less than. It tells us that we need to hide or lash out. It tells us that we will be laughed at or shunned. It tells us to control.
We fear hunger and poverty so we go to work. We fear social rejection, so we spend money on clothes and things we don't need, but that assure us some sense of social standing. We fear aging and being undesirable, so we preen and go to the gym and get plastic surgery and botox and get our nails done and and and and. The entire marketing industry is built around the construct of fear.
If you pause for a second and think, you can kind of see how we are dragged through life by these fictional ideas. I mean, imagine for a moment that you freed yourself from these things. Imagine that you rejected them. Worst case scenario: people don't like you. So what? I mean really. REALLY. Does it matter? No.
The minute you realize that it doesn't matter at all, or you decide that you are equipped and prepared to deal with the disapproval of others: There's nothing to fear. It can not hurt you. The fear has no power. It doesn’t even exist anymore because you just vaporized it.
It’s fucking imaginary.
The fear that comes with openness is exactly the same. I mean really, REALLY, what is the absolute worst case scenario if you completely expose your soul to another human being? Really, what is the fear built on? What are we afraid of?
They may reject you. They may mock you. They may be angry. They may… who cares? Their reaction to you doesn’t change how you experience yourself.
There is no vulnerability if there is no capacity for harm. There is no capacity for harm unless we agree to be harmed.
There is literally no way to hurt you with your own openness. At all. People can have their opinions, attack you, insult you, whatever. but.. who cares? Their reaction has absolutely fuck all to do with you.
Openness is absolutely not synonymous with vulnerability because we are not vulnerable unless we agree that we will be moved or influenced or harmed by the opinions of other people.
But. Double edged sword, because that ALSO means that openness isn’t synonymous with intimacy or connection, and is something I have yet to reconcile. Because THOSE things: those are what I struggle with. I don’t really understand them. Yet.
@notefrsoul
They may reject you. They may mock you. They may be angry. They may… who cares? Their reaction to you doesn’t change how you experience yourself.
There is no vulnerability if there is no capacity for harm. There is no capacity for harm unless we agree to be harmed.
There is literally no way to hurt you with your own openness. At all. People can have their opinions, attack you, insult you, whatever. but.. who cares? Their reaction has absolutely fuck all to do with you.
Openness is absolutely not synonymous with vulnerability because we are not vulnerable unless we agree that we will be moved or influenced or harmed by the opinions of other people.
But. Double edged sword, because that ALSO means that openness isn’t synonymous with intimacy or connection, and is something I have yet to reconcile. Because THOSE things: those are what I struggle with. I don’t really understand them. Yet.
@notefrsoul
𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮
When I am in love, I do not usually say exactly those three words.
As a poet, I have lived with metaphors and read between the line phrases.
Instead of blunt and concrete words, I would say “I will write you something.”
Then you would answer, “I am reading everything of you.”
Saying that, usually it would mean that you were already occupying a free room in my 70,000 thoughts everyday.
I have been writing for people I loved the whole time, but often those love poems were written for the wrong people.
They love to be written as a poem, and they love the idea of having love letters written by a shaky hand but not the one who wrote them.
Maybe my hand had been shaky enough, and I really hope it was my penmanship that made our paperboat sunk instead of sailing.
I am a terrible writer, my handwriting is a shorthand that even the doctors or pharmacists could not read.
But I think those who can read me when I am illegible are the ones worth my writings.
And I wish there is a prescription for shaky hands and medication for sweaty palms because the next time I will write again, I do not want my penmanship to be an excuse that I am a terrible lover, writing for people who cannot even write me a word.
You said, you are reading me. And it tickles me like a child seeing my mom buying my favorite candy. Same way, I am also suffering a toothache for not brushing it off, and not removing a plaque of doubt that creates a dent in my self-worth.
I really hope you are reading me, not my poems.
@notefrsoul
When I am in love, I do not usually say exactly those three words.
As a poet, I have lived with metaphors and read between the line phrases.
Instead of blunt and concrete words, I would say “I will write you something.”
Then you would answer, “I am reading everything of you.”
Saying that, usually it would mean that you were already occupying a free room in my 70,000 thoughts everyday.
I have been writing for people I loved the whole time, but often those love poems were written for the wrong people.
They love to be written as a poem, and they love the idea of having love letters written by a shaky hand but not the one who wrote them.
Maybe my hand had been shaky enough, and I really hope it was my penmanship that made our paperboat sunk instead of sailing.
I am a terrible writer, my handwriting is a shorthand that even the doctors or pharmacists could not read.
But I think those who can read me when I am illegible are the ones worth my writings.
And I wish there is a prescription for shaky hands and medication for sweaty palms because the next time I will write again, I do not want my penmanship to be an excuse that I am a terrible lover, writing for people who cannot even write me a word.
You said, you are reading me. And it tickles me like a child seeing my mom buying my favorite candy. Same way, I am also suffering a toothache for not brushing it off, and not removing a plaque of doubt that creates a dent in my self-worth.
I really hope you are reading me, not my poems.
@notefrsoul
If you are in the dark of life and about to give up, there is a reason to hold the line. Dark days don't last forever. It may rain or hail, it will all end one day.
Sometimes, life brings us to a very dark phase. As we lose our sight in the dark, we start to lose hope in life. We feel as if that moment will last forever. This makes us feel even more disappointed and we begin to lose hope in life. Nothing lasts forever, there is a time for everything to end. You just need to keep the of light hope burning so that you can reach that end you are looking for.
Everything has a timeline. It may seem very difficult to pass that phase, but always remember that it end will at it's own time. Just be patient and push yourself through.
@notefrsoul
Sometimes, life brings us to a very dark phase. As we lose our sight in the dark, we start to lose hope in life. We feel as if that moment will last forever. This makes us feel even more disappointed and we begin to lose hope in life. Nothing lasts forever, there is a time for everything to end. You just need to keep the of light hope burning so that you can reach that end you are looking for.
Everything has a timeline. It may seem very difficult to pass that phase, but always remember that it end will at it's own time. Just be patient and push yourself through.
@notefrsoul
Forwarded from 𝘙𝘶𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘝𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘵
Please forgive me,
I thought you were he,
But I realize now I was wrong.
I believed you were the beat of my heart—
To love and to cherish until death did us part.
How did I lie to myself for so long?
I see now that you aren’t my truest love,
The safe and strong arms that I can be sure of,
The home where I would forever stay.
But the illusion is shattered,
Time wasted, heart battered,
Which is why I must now walk away.
It was my partner I sought in your eyes—
Hoped it was you, but realized
I was mistaken to let myself fall.
Not the love of my life,
And it cuts like a knife,
Because you aren’t that man after all.
Mistaken identity, tragic but true,
For I had truly hoped he might have been you—
The soulmate to whom I belong.
And so now I see
That you could never be he,
For I recognize you now, Mr. Wrong.
Ruang Sepi , 10 November 2021
@RuangViolet
I thought you were he,
But I realize now I was wrong.
I believed you were the beat of my heart—
To love and to cherish until death did us part.
How did I lie to myself for so long?
I see now that you aren’t my truest love,
The safe and strong arms that I can be sure of,
The home where I would forever stay.
But the illusion is shattered,
Time wasted, heart battered,
Which is why I must now walk away.
It was my partner I sought in your eyes—
Hoped it was you, but realized
I was mistaken to let myself fall.
Not the love of my life,
And it cuts like a knife,
Because you aren’t that man after all.
Mistaken identity, tragic but true,
For I had truly hoped he might have been you—
The soulmate to whom I belong.
And so now I see
That you could never be he,
For I recognize you now, Mr. Wrong.
Ruang Sepi , 10 November 2021
@RuangViolet
Notice how a single star appears on the sky when the sun is just about to set; it looks like you—alone in the daylight. Accompanied by the sunshine, yet on your own. No one could actually recognize what you have been carrrying inside, for they get too blinded by the gleam. After a few minutes, once the sun gets finally down, look at how some stars slowly become visible on the nightsky; us, are alike those additional twinkling dots—the people around you. We are about to be done dealing with our own day, as well; heading back to our homes, just to finally rest or even release the emotions we have been setting aside to not get on our way. We are faraway from each other, yet a connection can be built in betwixt us—we are inside a certain constellation of an emotion: happiness, melancholy, uncertainty, etc.
See, you are not alone in this abyss; we may be going through different difficult times, but we are together in this chaos. You are not the only one feeling that way—we understand how you feel because we know it. And as I try my hardest to survive my own wars, may you also give your best to find the way out from your own battles alive. It doesn't matter if you are bruised, or bleeding. What matters most is you manage to get through it breathing.
@notefrsoul
See, you are not alone in this abyss; we may be going through different difficult times, but we are together in this chaos. You are not the only one feeling that way—we understand how you feel because we know it. And as I try my hardest to survive my own wars, may you also give your best to find the way out from your own battles alive. It doesn't matter if you are bruised, or bleeding. What matters most is you manage to get through it breathing.
@notefrsoul
Forwarded from Ruang Aksara
Tengah berjalan pulang, cermin mataku berwap gara-gara memakai pelitup muka. Kabur pandangan.
Aku buka sekejap untuk dilap dengan kain baju. Lalu aku memandang ke depan.
Masih kabur. Lalu ku teruskan juga berjalan. Cermin mata dibiarkan sahaja dipegang. Sengaja. Tengah membersihkan fikiran.
Kabur pandangan ku jika tanpa bantuan cermin mata ini. Akan susahkan aku dalam banyak hal tanpa khidmatnya. Pemanduanku akan jadi bahaya. Mencari barang pun tak nampak. Tambahlah kalau baca perkataan dari jauh, tak jelas. Sudahlah rabun jauh aku agak teruk dan tidak sama kuasa antara kedua-dua mata.
Lemah betul aku ini tanpa cermin mata. Adakalanya, kita harus menerima yang kita ini sendiri tidak akan mampu selesaikan masalah kita sendiri. Wajib meminta tolong atau bantuan dari orang lain. Harus ada sokongan dari luar yang membantu. Kalau tidak ada akan selamanya kita buntu.
Teringat ketika aku mula-mula pertama kali membuat cermin mata, itupun mendapat baucar diskaun di sebuah kedai cermin mata di Baling. Tingkatan 3 waktu itu. Sedikit perasaan takut, ada menyelinap entah mana-mana untuk pergi ke kedai cermin mata membuat pemeriksaan. Entah apalah yang aku fikirkan.
Risau macam manalah kedai tu periksa mata aku nanti. Pakai mesin yang kita akan nampak belon udara panas/rumah di padang yang luas tu pun rasa seram sejuk. Waktu tu sahajalah. Sekarang dah champion.
Padahal rabun jauh aku ini sudahpun aku sedar sejak dari sekolah rendah. Tetapi disebabkan aku takut untuk buat cermin mata, makanya hanya ketika aku di hujung Tingkatan 3 sahaja, berani untuk pergi. Itupun tak tahan sebab aku tak nampak teruk dalam kelas.
Begitulah hidup teman-teman. Adakalanya bila kita menerima kita punya kelemahan dan harus mencari pertolongan, kita akan berasa takut.
Takut akan perkara yang tak pasti. Takut akan macam-macam perkara.
Akan banyak kali dalam hidup kita harus berdepan dengan ketakutan, sama ada kita mengambil risiko atau terus berada dalam ketakutan.
Risiko berdepan dengan ketakutan nampak berbahaya, menakutkan dan sebagainya. Selalunya apabila keberanian dikumpulkan lalu berdepan dengan risiko akan ada banyak kelebihan menanti di hadapan. Apabila sudah melepasi ketakutan yang kita hadapi itu, lalu pandang belakang, bersyukur nasib baik berani mengadap ketakutan.
Bayangkan jika aku berterusan memegang rasa takut, makanya sampai ke hari ini pandanganku masih kabur dan aku akan tidak cukup menikmati, ah, indahnya dunia jika dapat melihat dengan lebih jelas dan terang.
If we don’t conquer our fear, our fear will conquer us.
@Ruang_Aksara
Aku buka sekejap untuk dilap dengan kain baju. Lalu aku memandang ke depan.
Masih kabur. Lalu ku teruskan juga berjalan. Cermin mata dibiarkan sahaja dipegang. Sengaja. Tengah membersihkan fikiran.
Kabur pandangan ku jika tanpa bantuan cermin mata ini. Akan susahkan aku dalam banyak hal tanpa khidmatnya. Pemanduanku akan jadi bahaya. Mencari barang pun tak nampak. Tambahlah kalau baca perkataan dari jauh, tak jelas. Sudahlah rabun jauh aku agak teruk dan tidak sama kuasa antara kedua-dua mata.
Lemah betul aku ini tanpa cermin mata. Adakalanya, kita harus menerima yang kita ini sendiri tidak akan mampu selesaikan masalah kita sendiri. Wajib meminta tolong atau bantuan dari orang lain. Harus ada sokongan dari luar yang membantu. Kalau tidak ada akan selamanya kita buntu.
Teringat ketika aku mula-mula pertama kali membuat cermin mata, itupun mendapat baucar diskaun di sebuah kedai cermin mata di Baling. Tingkatan 3 waktu itu. Sedikit perasaan takut, ada menyelinap entah mana-mana untuk pergi ke kedai cermin mata membuat pemeriksaan. Entah apalah yang aku fikirkan.
Risau macam manalah kedai tu periksa mata aku nanti. Pakai mesin yang kita akan nampak belon udara panas/rumah di padang yang luas tu pun rasa seram sejuk. Waktu tu sahajalah. Sekarang dah champion.
Padahal rabun jauh aku ini sudahpun aku sedar sejak dari sekolah rendah. Tetapi disebabkan aku takut untuk buat cermin mata, makanya hanya ketika aku di hujung Tingkatan 3 sahaja, berani untuk pergi. Itupun tak tahan sebab aku tak nampak teruk dalam kelas.
Begitulah hidup teman-teman. Adakalanya bila kita menerima kita punya kelemahan dan harus mencari pertolongan, kita akan berasa takut.
Takut akan perkara yang tak pasti. Takut akan macam-macam perkara.
Akan banyak kali dalam hidup kita harus berdepan dengan ketakutan, sama ada kita mengambil risiko atau terus berada dalam ketakutan.
Risiko berdepan dengan ketakutan nampak berbahaya, menakutkan dan sebagainya. Selalunya apabila keberanian dikumpulkan lalu berdepan dengan risiko akan ada banyak kelebihan menanti di hadapan. Apabila sudah melepasi ketakutan yang kita hadapi itu, lalu pandang belakang, bersyukur nasib baik berani mengadap ketakutan.
Bayangkan jika aku berterusan memegang rasa takut, makanya sampai ke hari ini pandanganku masih kabur dan aku akan tidak cukup menikmati, ah, indahnya dunia jika dapat melihat dengan lebih jelas dan terang.
If we don’t conquer our fear, our fear will conquer us.
@Ruang_Aksara
Forwarded from 𝘙𝘶𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘝𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘵
Kurangin egonya, karena gak semua orang sanggup bertahan dalam kekangan.
Ruang Sepi , 12 November 2021
@RuangViolet
Ruang Sepi , 12 November 2021
@RuangViolet
Forwarded from Ruang Aksara
" Sebenarnya saya rasa hidup saya tak ada makna dah. Saya tak tahu nak buat apa lagi. Perit, penat sangat."
Laju air matanya mengalir. Saya berikan peluang untuk dia meluahkan. Tisu di depan hampir habis, tudungnya basah lencun dengan air mata.
" Saya tak pernah pun nak jadi doktor in the first place, saya penat sangat, tak ada orang faham kot..Penat sangat. Orang kata fasa HO ni memang tough, tapi saya dah penat, penat sangat, berapa kali saya nak cakap?" Dia tunduk.
" Tak apa saya faham, spill.."
Session selama 1 jam berlalu dengan pantas.
Tapi entah kenapa rasa nak je peluk dia.
Penat dan sakit, semua orang ada ujian masing-masing.
Untuk menerima Qadr Allah, tak bermakna kita tak akan sakit. Yes it will. A lot.
Hati kita akan rasa sakit, akan rasa hancur dulu.
Air mata kita akan mengalir setiap masa.
Dalam kepala kita tak boleh nak sense apa yang berlaku.
Sampai satu tahap mungkin kita tertanya tanya,
'kenapa begini ya Allah?"
Tak apa, menangislah..
menangis sepuasnya.
Jangan ditahan lagi.
Dengan rasa sakit, dengan rasa serabut, pedih, lelah, sesak dan segala tangisan itu lah proses untuk menerima takdir Allah.
Percayalah, itu semua proses.
Proses menjadi lebih kuat.
Itu lah yang membuatkan kita kuat dan belajar menerima takdir Allah.
Semua orang buat silap. Its okay.
Semua orang pernah gagal. Its okay.
semua orang pernah jatuh. Its okay.
"Kadang, tanda cinta Allah terhadap seseorang itu Allah akan biarkan hati dia hancur berkali-kali sampai dia rasa tak ada lagi harapan di dunia ini.Dan itu akan membuat dia punya harapan hanya untuk Allah saja."– Syeikh Abdul Qadir Jailani.
Tarik nafas.
Bertenang.
Ambil masa untuk bersendiri.
I know, it’s never easy.
Never easy.
.
Ada satu doa yang sangat best yang saya nak kongsikan,
وَأُفَوِّضُ أَمْرِي إِلَى اللَّـهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّـهَ بَصِيرٌ بِالْعِبَادِ
Dan aku sentiasa menyerahkan urusanku bulat-bulat kepada Allah (untuk memeliharaku); sesungguhnya Allah Maha Melihat akan keadaan hamba-hambaNya”.
Baca lah berulang ulang kali.
Kita semua akan diuji dengan titik terlemah kita sehingga kita terduduk tak terdaya.
Apa yang dah berlaku tak mampu untuk diubah, its okay.
Apa yang akan terjadi juga kita tak tahu. Its okay.
Its totally okay.
We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But we are not our mistakes, we are not our struggles, and we are here now with the power with the help of Allah to shape our day and our future.
Its okay.
Every single thing that has ever happened in our life is preparing us for a moment that is yet to come.
One day all the pain will disappear.
Yang bersedih akan tersenyum.
Yang diuji akan tabah.
Yang patah hati akan bahagia.
Susah, memang susah.
Penat, memang penat.
sometimes we may not understand the reason behind certain things but for sure, He knows best.
Tapi Allah tahu. Dia tahu. Dia faham.
Bahagia pasti akan tiba.
Have faith dear! 🙂
@Ruang_Aksara
Laju air matanya mengalir. Saya berikan peluang untuk dia meluahkan. Tisu di depan hampir habis, tudungnya basah lencun dengan air mata.
" Saya tak pernah pun nak jadi doktor in the first place, saya penat sangat, tak ada orang faham kot..Penat sangat. Orang kata fasa HO ni memang tough, tapi saya dah penat, penat sangat, berapa kali saya nak cakap?" Dia tunduk.
" Tak apa saya faham, spill.."
Session selama 1 jam berlalu dengan pantas.
Tapi entah kenapa rasa nak je peluk dia.
Penat dan sakit, semua orang ada ujian masing-masing.
Untuk menerima Qadr Allah, tak bermakna kita tak akan sakit. Yes it will. A lot.
Hati kita akan rasa sakit, akan rasa hancur dulu.
Air mata kita akan mengalir setiap masa.
Dalam kepala kita tak boleh nak sense apa yang berlaku.
Sampai satu tahap mungkin kita tertanya tanya,
'kenapa begini ya Allah?"
Tak apa, menangislah..
menangis sepuasnya.
Jangan ditahan lagi.
Dengan rasa sakit, dengan rasa serabut, pedih, lelah, sesak dan segala tangisan itu lah proses untuk menerima takdir Allah.
Percayalah, itu semua proses.
Proses menjadi lebih kuat.
Itu lah yang membuatkan kita kuat dan belajar menerima takdir Allah.
Semua orang buat silap. Its okay.
Semua orang pernah gagal. Its okay.
semua orang pernah jatuh. Its okay.
"Kadang, tanda cinta Allah terhadap seseorang itu Allah akan biarkan hati dia hancur berkali-kali sampai dia rasa tak ada lagi harapan di dunia ini.Dan itu akan membuat dia punya harapan hanya untuk Allah saja."– Syeikh Abdul Qadir Jailani.
Tarik nafas.
Bertenang.
Ambil masa untuk bersendiri.
I know, it’s never easy.
Never easy.
.
Ada satu doa yang sangat best yang saya nak kongsikan,
وَأُفَوِّضُ أَمْرِي إِلَى اللَّـهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّـهَ بَصِيرٌ بِالْعِبَادِ
Dan aku sentiasa menyerahkan urusanku bulat-bulat kepada Allah (untuk memeliharaku); sesungguhnya Allah Maha Melihat akan keadaan hamba-hambaNya”.
Baca lah berulang ulang kali.
Kita semua akan diuji dengan titik terlemah kita sehingga kita terduduk tak terdaya.
Apa yang dah berlaku tak mampu untuk diubah, its okay.
Apa yang akan terjadi juga kita tak tahu. Its okay.
Its totally okay.
We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But we are not our mistakes, we are not our struggles, and we are here now with the power with the help of Allah to shape our day and our future.
Its okay.
Every single thing that has ever happened in our life is preparing us for a moment that is yet to come.
One day all the pain will disappear.
Yang bersedih akan tersenyum.
Yang diuji akan tabah.
Yang patah hati akan bahagia.
Susah, memang susah.
Penat, memang penat.
sometimes we may not understand the reason behind certain things but for sure, He knows best.
Tapi Allah tahu. Dia tahu. Dia faham.
Bahagia pasti akan tiba.
Have faith dear! 🙂
@Ruang_Aksara
Every scar has a story, though a story that emerged from pain, but it's a story worth telling because it's a story of survival, a story that has birthed strength.
Your scar is nothing to be ashamed of, it's something only a few carry, and that's why it must be treasured.
They carry a lifetime's worth of lessons, many who don't have them end up never learning, but you did and you have the right to tell your story, to inspire others along their path.
Your scar is nothing to be afraid of, it simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to destroy you, and now you have the strength to conquer whatever obstacles lie ahead.
Out of the fire comes the strongest steel, fire only refines gold, out of adversity comes the strongest of people, your scars only makes you stronger.
@notefrsoul
Your scar is nothing to be ashamed of, it's something only a few carry, and that's why it must be treasured.
They carry a lifetime's worth of lessons, many who don't have them end up never learning, but you did and you have the right to tell your story, to inspire others along their path.
Your scar is nothing to be afraid of, it simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to destroy you, and now you have the strength to conquer whatever obstacles lie ahead.
Out of the fire comes the strongest steel, fire only refines gold, out of adversity comes the strongest of people, your scars only makes you stronger.
@notefrsoul
Forwarded from Ruang Aksara
Are you utilising every day of your life to the best?
Most people don't because they are either regretting their yesterday or worried about their tomorrow.
The reality is that we cannot change our past or future with regrets or worries but what we can do is to make the best use of the chance of life we have in our today. When we see every day as a new chance, we become more enthusiastic about our day. With a fresh mind, we get fresh ideas, new energy and we are able to achieve something little every day. These little achievements give us the confidence to face the next day of life.
No matter how hard was your past or how impossible your future looks, don't be disappointed. You have the now in your hand that can change everything for you.
@Ruang_Aksara
Most people don't because they are either regretting their yesterday or worried about their tomorrow.
The reality is that we cannot change our past or future with regrets or worries but what we can do is to make the best use of the chance of life we have in our today. When we see every day as a new chance, we become more enthusiastic about our day. With a fresh mind, we get fresh ideas, new energy and we are able to achieve something little every day. These little achievements give us the confidence to face the next day of life.
No matter how hard was your past or how impossible your future looks, don't be disappointed. You have the now in your hand that can change everything for you.
@Ruang_Aksara
Forwarded from Ruang Aksara
I always wonder why most people when they have conflicts with other people they tend to run away from it and avoiding to confront that conflict?
Conflicts can not be resolved by running from it or worse sweeping it under carpet. No, it can’t go away like that, my dear. Eventually you will make it worse and bigger problem in future.
Maybe they are afraid they might hurt other person or to be hurt. I guess. But in order to resolve the conflicts. Must. Confront. That person. No other way round.
Only the bravest and courageous could do that. But most of us are not. Heh.
“Our greatest human endowment is the ability to reframe and reinterpret a difficult circumstance in a more enlightened and empowering way. Dogs cannot do this. Cats cannot do this. Monkeys cannot do this. This gift belongs only to us and is part of what makes us human. Blaming our circumstances for the way we feel is nothing more than excusing ourselves.
In handling any problem, we must have the courage to assume a measure of responsibility for what ever situation we are in and then realise that we also have the capacity to use to set back to our advantage.Life greatest setbacks always reveal life’s biggest blessings.” - Life Lessons From The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari; Robin Sharma.
@Ruang_Aksara
Conflicts can not be resolved by running from it or worse sweeping it under carpet. No, it can’t go away like that, my dear. Eventually you will make it worse and bigger problem in future.
Maybe they are afraid they might hurt other person or to be hurt. I guess. But in order to resolve the conflicts. Must. Confront. That person. No other way round.
Only the bravest and courageous could do that. But most of us are not. Heh.
“Our greatest human endowment is the ability to reframe and reinterpret a difficult circumstance in a more enlightened and empowering way. Dogs cannot do this. Cats cannot do this. Monkeys cannot do this. This gift belongs only to us and is part of what makes us human. Blaming our circumstances for the way we feel is nothing more than excusing ourselves.
In handling any problem, we must have the courage to assume a measure of responsibility for what ever situation we are in and then realise that we also have the capacity to use to set back to our advantage.Life greatest setbacks always reveal life’s biggest blessings.” - Life Lessons From The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari; Robin Sharma.
@Ruang_Aksara
—and one day my words will no longer make any sound anymore; and my eyes will no longer chase after that faint light you kept in your drawer anymore; and my skin will peel itself off of this body and maybe I'll turn into something I've never wish to be; and the rythm of love will be nothing but just a stranger that used to live in my bones;
and one day, my hands will no longer search for yours because they're used to being white and cold; and my dreams will no longer ask for your presence anymore because they're used to reach the stars without you; and my mind will no longer remember or think about you anymore because the voices will tell it so;
and one day, my poems will no longer be about you anymore because I'll be writing about something else; and I will no longer wait for you to come home because I knew you already found another; and I will no longer react when you cut me open, because I've been cutting myself open since the day you handed me the knife;
and one day I will no longer be part of this game, and you will no longer hear me crying about these wounds anymore, because I won't care about anything anymore...
one day, loving you will be the only thing I would never remember and know,
one day, the weight of my silence will be much heavier than my absences...
and I hope that one day haunts you...
I hope it haunts you
forever...
@notefrsoul
and one day, my hands will no longer search for yours because they're used to being white and cold; and my dreams will no longer ask for your presence anymore because they're used to reach the stars without you; and my mind will no longer remember or think about you anymore because the voices will tell it so;
and one day, my poems will no longer be about you anymore because I'll be writing about something else; and I will no longer wait for you to come home because I knew you already found another; and I will no longer react when you cut me open, because I've been cutting myself open since the day you handed me the knife;
and one day I will no longer be part of this game, and you will no longer hear me crying about these wounds anymore, because I won't care about anything anymore...
one day, loving you will be the only thing I would never remember and know,
one day, the weight of my silence will be much heavier than my absences...
and I hope that one day haunts you...
I hope it haunts you
forever...
@notefrsoul
Forwarded from Ruang Aksara
Pernahkah kau benar-benar berlari kepada Tuhan?
Saat kau berasa buntu dengan segala jalan?
Saat kau berasa hampa dengan semua manusia?
Saat kau hanya nampak kegelapan di hadapan?
Pernahkah kau benar-benar kembali berlari kepada Tuhan?
Sekadar tahu kau mahu dan akan kembali berbeza sekali dengan pembuktian penyerahan jiwa kau.
Sedangkan jika merangkak kembali, Tuhan sudah pun berlari menerima kedatangan kita. Apatah lagi jika kita datang dengan berlari, lebih laju dan terbukanya Tuhan menerima kita dalam keadaan apa jua sekalipun. Asalkan kemahuan dan penyerahan kita sebenar-benar kembali.
Kembali dengan mengadu segalanya kepada Dia.
Kembali dengan mengakui segala dosa dan silap kita.
Kembali dengan meminta ampun, istighfar serta tunjukkan kita benar insaf dengan solat taubat.
Kembali dengan menambah extra apa-apa ibadah kita kepada dia yang selama ini sentiasa kurang dan tidak sempurna.
“Tuhan, aku mengaku aku betul silap dan banyak berbuat dosa kepada-Mu. Ampunkan aku, Tuhan. Sama ada yang aku sedar ataupun tidak sedar. Ampunkan aku, Tuhan.”
“Tuhan, aku banyak berdosa dengan manusia lain. Berikan aku kekuatan untuk memohon maaf daripada mereka. Jangan biarkan aku tenggelam dalam keangkuhan keegoan.”
“Tuhan, sungguh aku mahu saja berputus asa dengan semua jalan. Tunjukkan aku jalan.”
“Tuhan, Engkaulah sumber ketenangan, berikan aku ketenangan. Tenangkanlah hatiku yang seperti ribut ini.”
“Tuhan, sungguh aku benci segala perbuatan jahat yang orang lakukan kepadaku. Hanya pada-Mu aku mengadu. Aku maafkan mereka. Tunjukkanlah mereka jalan. Berikanlah mereka kesedaran.”
“Tuhan, aku sangat takut dengan segala kemungkinan yang aku takutkan terjadi di masa hadapan. Engkau Maha Pelindung sejati Aku mohon segala perlindungan dan kekuatan. Mohon Engkau jauhkan aku dari segala kejahatan serta berikanlah aku kekuatan.”
“Tuhan, aku mahukan apa yang hatiku mahukan. Jikalau ini yang terbaik buat diriku, permudahkanlah. Jika ini buruk bagi ku, Kau jauhkanlah. Jadikanlah aku meredhainya. Asalkan aku tidak kehilangan akan Engkau. Cukuplah bagiku.”
“Tuhan, tunjukkan segala yang benar dan haq itu benar. Dan tunjukkan aku segala pembohongan dan kebathilan itu bathil. Hanya Engkau sebenar-benar pembeza haq dan bathil.”
Sekecil-kecil pengaduan kepada Dia bukan lagi kepada manusia, adalah tanda kita benar kembali pada Dia.
Bila kau sudah pun terbiasa mengadu kepada Tuhan, segala apa yang kau mahukan tetapi kau belum lagi meminta, al-Malik, pemilik segala apa yang ada di bumi dan langit secara ajaibnya akan sudahpun diberikan kepada kau.
Semua jalan sentiasa dipermudahkan.
Kekuatan dan ketenangan entah datang dari mana.
Begitulah bezanya jika benar-benar berlari kembali kepada Tuhan. Tidak akan pernah dikecewakan.
Makanya teman, berlarilah kembali kepada Tuhan.
@Ruang_Aksara
Saat kau berasa buntu dengan segala jalan?
Saat kau berasa hampa dengan semua manusia?
Saat kau hanya nampak kegelapan di hadapan?
Pernahkah kau benar-benar kembali berlari kepada Tuhan?
Sekadar tahu kau mahu dan akan kembali berbeza sekali dengan pembuktian penyerahan jiwa kau.
Sedangkan jika merangkak kembali, Tuhan sudah pun berlari menerima kedatangan kita. Apatah lagi jika kita datang dengan berlari, lebih laju dan terbukanya Tuhan menerima kita dalam keadaan apa jua sekalipun. Asalkan kemahuan dan penyerahan kita sebenar-benar kembali.
Kembali dengan mengadu segalanya kepada Dia.
Kembali dengan mengakui segala dosa dan silap kita.
Kembali dengan meminta ampun, istighfar serta tunjukkan kita benar insaf dengan solat taubat.
Kembali dengan menambah extra apa-apa ibadah kita kepada dia yang selama ini sentiasa kurang dan tidak sempurna.
“Tuhan, aku mengaku aku betul silap dan banyak berbuat dosa kepada-Mu. Ampunkan aku, Tuhan. Sama ada yang aku sedar ataupun tidak sedar. Ampunkan aku, Tuhan.”
“Tuhan, aku banyak berdosa dengan manusia lain. Berikan aku kekuatan untuk memohon maaf daripada mereka. Jangan biarkan aku tenggelam dalam keangkuhan keegoan.”
“Tuhan, sungguh aku mahu saja berputus asa dengan semua jalan. Tunjukkan aku jalan.”
“Tuhan, Engkaulah sumber ketenangan, berikan aku ketenangan. Tenangkanlah hatiku yang seperti ribut ini.”
“Tuhan, sungguh aku benci segala perbuatan jahat yang orang lakukan kepadaku. Hanya pada-Mu aku mengadu. Aku maafkan mereka. Tunjukkanlah mereka jalan. Berikanlah mereka kesedaran.”
“Tuhan, aku sangat takut dengan segala kemungkinan yang aku takutkan terjadi di masa hadapan. Engkau Maha Pelindung sejati Aku mohon segala perlindungan dan kekuatan. Mohon Engkau jauhkan aku dari segala kejahatan serta berikanlah aku kekuatan.”
“Tuhan, aku mahukan apa yang hatiku mahukan. Jikalau ini yang terbaik buat diriku, permudahkanlah. Jika ini buruk bagi ku, Kau jauhkanlah. Jadikanlah aku meredhainya. Asalkan aku tidak kehilangan akan Engkau. Cukuplah bagiku.”
“Tuhan, tunjukkan segala yang benar dan haq itu benar. Dan tunjukkan aku segala pembohongan dan kebathilan itu bathil. Hanya Engkau sebenar-benar pembeza haq dan bathil.”
Sekecil-kecil pengaduan kepada Dia bukan lagi kepada manusia, adalah tanda kita benar kembali pada Dia.
Bila kau sudah pun terbiasa mengadu kepada Tuhan, segala apa yang kau mahukan tetapi kau belum lagi meminta, al-Malik, pemilik segala apa yang ada di bumi dan langit secara ajaibnya akan sudahpun diberikan kepada kau.
Semua jalan sentiasa dipermudahkan.
Kekuatan dan ketenangan entah datang dari mana.
Begitulah bezanya jika benar-benar berlari kembali kepada Tuhan. Tidak akan pernah dikecewakan.
Makanya teman, berlarilah kembali kepada Tuhan.
@Ruang_Aksara
IT'S OKAY TO SAY "NO" 🌻Sometimes i find myself thinking "no, no, absolutely no" but then my mouth just blurts out "yes". Why is it hard to say no?
Sometimes it got me thinking why is it so important for me to be agreeable all the time. Why is it so important for me to please everyone, to the point that i would be so pressured and stressed about it for quite a long time.
After being being trapped in this 'yes but really no cycle', i realise i was afraid of saying NO because i fear rejection. I was afraid that every time i did this I would hurt someone. I was hesitant to say no because I would disappoint people or worse make them angry. I was afraid i was being rude and unkind to their requests.
This has been a challenge not just for me but one that many people face everyday. It's a burden to carry because oftentimes it makes us resentful to the point it gives us sleepless nights and uneasy days.
if you're like me, I hope this time you realise that saying NO doesn't mean you're a bad person. Saying NO doesn't mean you're rude or selfish. Saying No doesn't define your values.
If you live your life depending on other people's approval, you will never be free. If you think of other people first than yourself, you will never be happy.
Looking back, i realise that it really isn't worth it saying yes when you don't want to. Because after committing to something you don't want, doubt and resentment eventually sets in and you begin to make excuses so you can get out of it.
Please remember that you have the right to decline a request and shouldn't be afraid of letting other people down at the cost of your peace of mind. Your worth does not depend on how much you do for others. Take care of yourself because your mental health is as important as your physical and spiritual being.
I hope you learn to say NO to whatever is toxic.
I hope you learn to say NO to whatever is not serving you good.
@notefrsoul
Are you happy with other people's success?
Being mature is about being wise with experiences of life. As we learn the lessons of life, we realize that we all have our own time to rise and shine.
When we start the journey of life, we feel like we have to defeat others to reach our destination but as we gain valuable insight into our life and start to live consciously, we don’t see success in defeating others. Rather, we start to enjoy their success as much as ours. We realize that it’s not the competition that makes us happy, it's the feeling of our success that brings the greatest joy so we start to see other people’s success with joy too.
Don't envy when others succeed in life. What’s meant for them will become theirs and what’s for you will be yours. Embrace your success and applaud their success too.
@notefrsoul
Being mature is about being wise with experiences of life. As we learn the lessons of life, we realize that we all have our own time to rise and shine.
When we start the journey of life, we feel like we have to defeat others to reach our destination but as we gain valuable insight into our life and start to live consciously, we don’t see success in defeating others. Rather, we start to enjoy their success as much as ours. We realize that it’s not the competition that makes us happy, it's the feeling of our success that brings the greatest joy so we start to see other people’s success with joy too.
Don't envy when others succeed in life. What’s meant for them will become theirs and what’s for you will be yours. Embrace your success and applaud their success too.
@notefrsoul